15 april, 2019
Sorry i havent been here in a few days. I was rather occupied with my life and stuff. I was especially occupied with a project that i got fucked over on. My stupid, manipulative partner used her anxiety to get pity and ditch the project because she realized she didnt pull her own fucking weight. Im sick of always getting fucked over by everyone. Its annoying. Why do they think they can always walk all over me. God give me strengh. Other than that, I got plastered after i finished my homework and bummed around. As a punishement for missing entries, I decided to whip myself on the back. Im not 100% sure why I did. It hurt. but at the same time it felt nice. A weird sensation. Anyway, thats pretty much it. Im writting this as im preparing to go to bed so, Goodnight Jesus.
11 april, 2019
I had a bad dream last night. It showed me a world with a virus that would destory people who indulged too much in things they like. I saw a man drink a can of sugary soda and then murder his wife. I thought about it alot today. Does over indulgence lead to sin and naughty naughty things? Anyway other than that my day was pretty normal. Went to school. Finished my english essay and ended the day by hopping on the public bus and going over to my tutoring session. I didnt enjoy it and discorvered that my father signed me up for a study camp without asking. I wouldnt have been as upset if he told me, but he didnt. It bothers me that he signs me up for these things without asking me or the lord. Rude! Other than that, I drew and ate some eggs. Im getting ready for sleep as I write this, please give me nicer dreams tonight. Thank you. Goodnight Jesus.
10 april, 2019
I woke up at a decent hour today and got ready on time to catch the bus. We had a free period after the first class today so that was pretty neat. I spent it doodling some more and exploring some art styles. It was pretty neat. I contunied to draw at lunch today and had a nice time too. I tuned out the other people in the art class who are usually super loud and obnoxious for no good reason. For being so "anxious" they seem to love attracting attention to themselves. Whatever. After lunch i had Civics class and we spent most of the hour at the library. I talked with someone im kind of friends with and we disscused the concert the school was hosting at the last period. We remarked about how the singers look like homeless stoners, which was suuuuper true lol. They clearly have no guidance if they think they're little tunes will save them from the crushing reality that they'll need some sort of guidance to a real job. After the concert ended, I headed back home and ate some pizza pockets. I drank a little amount vodka and had a fairly nice night. I drew some more and browsed some image boards. It's actually fairly early at night when I write this, so im not going to go to bed right away but since this is all im gonna say for tonight, Goodnight Jesus.
9 april, 2019
Today I went to school and went through my usual classes. I got my history article back and got a 56% on it. Bummed but not suprised. I had stupid tutoring after school and had to sit in that dreaded building for one hour and a half. Didnt help that it snowed and hailed a bit when I walked there. One of the best parts of the day was thinking about my Characters. I drew them out and thought about how it would look if they copulated. HeHe. Pretty funny. Anyway, other than that, I ate pizza pockets when i got home and finished my stupid soldier report project. I dont really understand what I need to do but whatever. Cant go any lower than a 56% :/. Another highlight was, at lunch, I smelt someone eating soup. It smelt pretty good and made my stomach kind of hurt. I miss eating alphabet soup and mac n cheese with ketchup. I wish my dad left me alone so I could have gotten wasted. Eh. Whatever. I'll do it later. Anyway, Im gonna go to bed in a bit. Goodnight Jesus.
8 april, 2019
I stayed in my pj's all day today. I didnt see much of a reason to change out into better clothes. I got over my almost 24hr Lorazepam high and ended up drinking a large amount of rum. I dont know why I did. It bearly made me feel anything and i was back to being sober before i knew it. Its weird. Drinking and drugs have pretty much stopped giving me that "waahooo im alive" sensation. That sweet sweet sensation used to be the reason i woke up every morning. The reason i went though school everyday. With time ive started to replace my addiction with my fetishized view of you. Your the one who's here for me, instead of those pills (and theres also you know-who). Other than getting wasted, I watched some TV, cried, ate a terrible tasting salad and worked on my history project. I left it for the last minute, but am pretty confident in the fact that i'll de able to finish it on time. It's currently 12:12 as a write this. Im planning on going to sleep after i finalize this. Goodnight Jesus.